“hey we hooked up last night and it turns out you are my childs teacher” au
“we both play this stupid game online and you keep beating me every single goddamn time so i called you out and you are pretty cute but can you not” au
“im a bartender and you just came in here without shoes sat down and ordered a chocolate volcano and idk what the fuck that is and im scared to ask” au
“we are neighbours and every night at 3:14 am you start yodeling for no fucking reason??? why???? is that you yodeling??? its been 2 months???” au
“im a pizza delivery person and i just delivered a pizza to someone in the middle of a satanic ritual and they gave me their number???” au
“i woke up this morning to find you sitting in my living room with a goat in a poncho??? who are you??? why is the goat wearing a poncho??? how did you get the goat in here i live on the 12th floor???” au
“we work out at the same gym and you always look super legit but i know you sing hannah montana in the shower and you know i know” au
“im a cashier and i saw you stuffing you pants full of potatoes and i would stop you but you already have 27 and i want to see how many you can fit"au
“its 4 am and im drunk as fuck in a mcdonalds and you have been watching my trying to eat this burger for 30 minutes” au
“i was playing beer pong with a coin and i accidentally threw it right into your eye at a party” au
I HAVE SEEN HANDFUCKING (GODDAMN FUCKING THE HAND, THERE WAS A SEX HOLE IN THE HAND) BUT I HAVE NOT SEEN ANYONE MAKE THE ACT OF THROATFUCKING PLEASURABLE FOR THE THROATFUCKEE
Posthole 