touching boners through sweatpants and dad khakis, how is this not everyone’s ultimate sexual fantasy

I completely forgot the word “ratchet” in that last post how did I even

question: who wants to talk about tfa & tfp ratchet making out (answer: not enough people)

okay

finalizing my color/size/etc decisions on this one frisky-beast toy, then I suddenly realized they have glow-in-the-dark options too and now I’m planning out a whole nother “hypothetical” order that I’ll “"hypothetically”“ get ”“"far in the future”“”, good job nick great money-management plans

“butt stuff wouldn’t help your depression/anxiety spiral you dumb idiot” well guess what past me

fuckin I swear to god I don’t even care anymore

I have exactly one night to myself a week lately so there’s pretty much no time (that I’m not tired as balls) to do any butt stuff and that’s all I’ve wanted to do lately and it is infinitely frustrating in every way

it’s been over a month, I swear to god I am going to punch my way through a brick wall

shrikelike:

MY FRIEND HAS BEEN READING THIS FANFICTION AND GIVING ME HER REACTIONS WITH CONTEXT AS SHE’S GOING ALONG, AND IT APPARENTLY JUST KEEPS GETTING WORSE. SHE GOES “oh god, the baby is going to die” AND THEN LATER TELLS ME “oh god, it got more fucked up.”

MY IMMEDIATE THOUGHT WAS “THEY’RE GONNA FUCK THE DEAD BABY” BUT THEN I STOPPED AND SAID “NO NO THAT’S TOO LUDICROUS NO WAY”

WHEN I SEE MY FRIEND FOR BREAKFAST, SHE GOES INTO DETAIL INTO WHAT HAPPENS

PROWL TAKES THE BABY’S SOUL INTO HIS SPARK, THEN TURNS TO JAZZ WHO IS DESPONDENT OVER THE LOSS OF THEIR LITTLE ONE (YES YES IT’S ONE OF THOSE FICS) AND IS LIKE “hey I’ve still got the baby sorta let’s sparkbond and you can have one last good bye” OR SOME SHIT AND THEN BEFORE THEY SPARKBOND HE GOES “by the way there’s a chance still that you’ll overload from this” AND THEY GO AHEAD AND I THINK THEY DID OVERLOAD AND I’M IN AWE

I’M IN FUCKING AWE

THEY FUCKED THE DEAD BABY AFTER ALL

don’t take the knot, grandpa

tomorrow’s gonna fuckin suck

I wonder

tomorrow’s redic hours are gonna be another $70+ in my pocket, I’ve already paid at least half this month’s loans

I guess I could spend it one something nice huh

I bet I could spend it on a stupid custom-colored dinosaur dick FUCK YOU I HAVE SO LITTLE ALONE TIME DON’T JUDGE MY GODDAMN LIFE CHOICES